i bet levi doesn’t even talk dirty to eren. like, he just sits there and whispers into eren’s ear about how many titans he killed and how and eren’s just like “there go my pants”
i just had to do it i am so sorry
okay but a story about an asexual pirate who gets made fun of by the crew until he saves all of them from sirens
A pirate for the adventure, not the booty
oh my gosh i want that on a bumper sticker
Trying to pilot a ship here. Thanks.
IT GOT BETTER
It gets better—the guy is deaf, and he taught his cat the sign for “food.” So the cat’s not just saying “put that in my mouth,” it’s actually signing
Not only that, but if you notice at the beginning, the cat *gets the man’s attention* as any person who wanted to talk to a deaf/hoh individual would (well, and vice versa IME). I’ve done sign since I was 5, and generally, w/o eye contact initially, you wave a hand or lightly touch the arm (if that’s ok with the person you’re trying to converse with, of course).
Generally, adult cats meow mostly to humans, but this cat has figured out that’s not going to work and has adapted. Animal companions! They are INCREDIBLE.
EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND LOOK AT THIS CAT.
this is pretty remarkable
ive always hated kids
"did you hate yourself when you were a kid"
Nagisa, Rei, and Kou bed head's
Damn son our uterus stretches like 5x the size and then contracts and pushes a 7 pound baby out of a small tube into life if you think that isn’t metal as fuck get out of my face
YOUR ORGANS THOUGH IM SO SORRY LADIES
damn selfish babies taking up all the space
NAW MAN, LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT PREGNANCY AND BABIES, ALRIGHT?
FIRST OF ALL, IT SUCKS DICK. FIRST OFF LET ME GIVE YOU A MOTHERFUCKING RUNDOWN ON WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T EAT OR DRINK WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT.
- NO UNCOOKED ANYTHING IN FUCKING GENERAL ACTUALLY. AND ESPECIALLY NOT FISH.
- ANYTHING WITH CAFFEINE IN IT, WHICH INCLUDES COFFEE, SODA, CHOCOLATE (THAT’S RIGHT, NO CHOCOLATE), SEVERAL TYPES OF COOKIES AND CANDIES, AND ENERGY DRINKS.
- VEGETABLES AND MEATS THAT ARE RICH IN NITRATES LIKE HOTDOGS, SAUSAGE, LETTUCE, SPINACH AND CELERY.
SO BASICALLY IF YOU’RE USED TO EATING OR DRINKING ANY OF THOSE THINGS YOU BETTER BE PREPARED TO QUIT COLD TURKEY THE SECOND YOU GET PREGNANT.
NOW I’M NOT EVEN DONE. YOU SEE THAT PINK UPSIDE-DOWN TRIANGLE BELOW THE BABY’S HEAD? YEAH? THAT’S YOUR BLADDER. BABIES SQUEEZE DOWN ON THAT LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW AND ONCE YOU HIT THE THIRD TRIMESTER, YOU BASICALLY HAVE AN ELDERLY PERSON’S BLADDER. MY MOTHER TELLS ME SHE HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AT LEAST 6 TIMES A DAY JUST SO SHE WOULDN’T WET HERSELF. ALSO WITH A BABY SQUEEZING’ UP AGAINST YOUR FUCKING INTESTINES LIKE THAT SAY HELLO TO CONSTIPATION NATION, EVERYONE.
SO NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE THE BLADDER AND BOWELS OF AN OLD PERSON, BUT THAT GROWING HUMAN BEING GROWING OUT OF YOUR GULLET ALSO PUTS A HUUUUGE STRAIN ON YOUR BACK. NOT TO MENTION IT’S A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS TO MOVE ANYWHERE, SINCE YOU NEED TO START WALKING LIKE SOMEONE OUT OF A MONTY PYTHON SKIT JUST TO GET AROUND EFFICIENTLY. ALSO THAT ADDED WEIGHT MAKES YOUR FEET ACHE SOMETHING AWFUL. SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?
WELL GUESS WHAT. YOU CAN’T TAKE ASPRIN. ABSOLUTELY NO ASPRIN. NO IBUPROFEN, NO NAPROXEN NO NOTHING.
SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU IN PROBABLY THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE YOU WILL EVER BE, BUT YOUR MEDICINE CHOICES ARE EXTREMELY FUCKING LIMITED. (AND NO, I MENTIONED NO CHOCOLATE EITHER.)
DO YOU GUYS NOT REALIZE THAT THE FATE OF SOCIETY AND THE HUMAN RACE IN GENERAL IS BASED ON THE FACT THAT WOMEN MOSTLY CHOOSE TO GET PREGNANT? FOR LITTLE TO NO REWARD?! THE UNITED STATES ONLY GIVES 12 UNPAID WEEKS OF MATERNITY LEAVE ON AVERAGE.
YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE FUCKING PROCESS BY WHICH OUR POPULATION CONTINUES TO GROW WOULD BE FUCKING REWARDED AND CELEBRATED, NOT SWEPT UNDER THE FUCKING RUG LIKE A PIECE OF FUCKING DUST.
Greatest rant ever.
But nah, pregnancy is just an “inconvenience”
the (눈_눈) face is the best face
- because it looks annoyed
- 눈 literally means eye in korean
#tHIS PART#THIS PART ALWAYS GOT TO ME???LIKE#ED IS SUCH A VERBAL PERSON#LIKE HE EXPLODES OVER THE LITTLEST THINGS AND HE’S ALWAYS YELLING AND JUST BEING VERY AGGRESSIVE#BUT THEN YOU HAVE AL#WHO CONFRONTS ED AND ACCUSES HIM OF DOING HORRIBLE THINGS#AND ED CAN’T EVEN YELL??#HE DOESN’T EVEN DEFEND HIMSELF??#BECAUSE THIS SITUATION IS SO SAD#AND ED SUDDENLY BECOMES SO SOFT AND QUIET#BECAUSE AL IS HURT#AND NO AMOUNT OF YELLING OR ANGER IN RESPONSE COULD AMEND THIS SITUAITON#SO ED JUST TAKES IT WITHOUT ARGUING#BECAUSE AL HAS BEEN SITTING ON THIS FOR A WHILE#AND ED IS SHOCKED TO HEAR THESE CRAZY THINGS AL IS SAYING#BECAUSE IT MAKES THEIR ALREADY SAD SITUATION EVEN SADDER#FMA#BY E via
when did anime characters start being younger than me
Unsure of how to confess your love to someone? Try this:
- Acquire several dozen limes.
- Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
- Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
- Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
- Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
- Look them deeply in the eyes and say, “Sorry. I’m bad at Pickup Limes.”
- Marry them.